I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
