yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
