Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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