Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
