someone owes me an orgasm
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
