I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
