That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
