OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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