You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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