Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize