Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
