I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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