I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
