found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
