so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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