Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
