i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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