youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
