5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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