it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
