She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.