The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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