My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights