its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?