my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.