I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.