I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
