i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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