It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
