OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
