I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
