i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
