Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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