I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
