so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize