you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
