Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
