i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
