dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
