Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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