It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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