There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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