We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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