I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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