Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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