Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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