First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
