Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
