Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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