And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
