HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He shit in the fireplace
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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