I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
