I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
