Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
