Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Everything about him screamed your future.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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