I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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