if you like me you must not know who I am
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
