And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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