They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize