why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
