The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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