All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
