I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
