I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
