she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
