woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
