He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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