Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
