Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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