dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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