If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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