I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
